Did anyone ever count the number of nerve cells a person spends in the repair process? And how much gray hair adds to his head? And how many sleepless nights, spends a bitter brooding over the endless questions of your arrangement? Such research is, alas, are not subject to any arithmetic or sociology. Repairs should be just to survive. Did anyone ever count the number of nerve cells a person spends in the repair process? And how much gray hair adds to his head? And how many sleepless nights, spends a bitter brooding over the endless questions of your arrangement? Such research is, alas, are not subject to any arithmetic or sociology. Repairs should be just to survive. Why often happens that when people begin to make repairs that inevitably arise quarrels? It seems that two people live in eternal fidelity to each other due, give gifts, blow away the dust from your favorite shoulders, but should begin to repair - and life becomes a different one? Galina Stepanova: Repair is not for nothing compared to the catastrophe. It takes so much effort and so many quarrels provoked, because behind it is most often unconscious human senses. Indeed, for each of us our apartment is still our little state with its own laws, our space, in which we live and relax. If the state space suddenly someone (a group of citizens) is trying to reshape or rebuild on their own, not listening to the opinions of others, which usually happens? Is a coup, for which often follows a civil war. The family can be seen to the same laws, but only in miniature. In the apartment during the repairs can begin a "war" for psychological space, which leads to quarrels, such as choosing the color of wallpaper. All these troubles are due to the fact that both spouses have a need for your space, physically and psychologically. Psychologists attribute this demand to basic human needs, ie, without her man is not able to meet live in peace and feel safe. Here we are, unfortunately, is too close to our younger brothers, as they like to "mark" territory. Therefore, to give even the most beloved spouse can be difficult. If the husband loves his wife, and she is trying to repair during the entire apartment to arrange like Barbie pink house, he will feel that he was "squeezed" out of space. Psychologically, a man in a house does not leave room and space for life. But if her husband in the repair does not listen to the opinion of the wife, there is psychologically as a "usurper of the territory", he acts. Is there any psychological method, or scheme of conduct, which would save a couple of the inevitable quarrels during the repair? Galina Stepanova: There are two possible approaches that minimize the quarrel. First: Select for each spouse a place where he could realize his desire. For example, the choice of color and style of cuisine to give to his wife, because it is where she spends the most time. The office draw on her husband by a male taste. Second: To negotiate a compromise. Such premises as a marital bedroom or living room is a common territory, and hence need to be there both cozy and comfortable. If the wife, for example, wants pink boudoir, and her husband prefers a neutral beige tones, the tradeoff is peach color. You can also seek help from a designer who will take into account the preferences of one and the other spouse and will offer you options for joint discussion. In the repair of the lead who must take a man or a woman? If, for example, a man, then how to behave in a woman? After all you want is realized, to show all your creativity. And then sort of like not work. Galina Stepanova: Both families did not happen. There are families where the man takes during the repair of the main load on himself. Then his wife at the outset to say where and what she wants to realize his fantasy and take responsibility for themselves. If in the beginning you divide zones of influence and responsibility, then it will be less reason to quarrel. Repair - male or female thing? Svetlana Streltsov: In my opinion, the repair - it's all the same for women. Construction of space for women business usual. Long ago a man went hunting. And to be successful hunter had to build specific skills. As a result, he has tunnel vision appeared not to be distracted by little things and focus on mining. So he can not now find the butter in the fridge. He sees only what is before him. And so the woman always blames the man that he was staring at others. She, too, staring, but its angle is much wider. It does not grab them by the scrutiny of other men. In the distant past, when the man left, she stayed home. And busy cooking, she should also follow the edge of the eyes of a child crawling around. And the other corner of his eye for the safety of the space near the cave and the animals grazing nearby. Therefore, to equip the space, so that was convenient, nice and safe, the woman began a very long time. The ancient Slavs had a saying: "Women and cats in the main house, a man and a dog in the yard." So that the conversion of dwelling house in case a woman. If people do repair their own hands without the involvement of experts, the reason is usually the most ssornoy and time consuming part is wallpapering. What to do to a layer of glue and paper will not lay down a layer of selective abuse? Svetlana Streltsov: wallpapering - a case in which a well-tested family cohesiveness. The family is a team. In the team win or lose together. Someone has to play a strong, someone weaker. But players can not win without each other or one another's expense. Rules of team interaction are known. You can win only when the win all the members of your team. For all that you are the one responsible for everything that happens. On the other hand, the family - a team. In order for any team to be stable, need a leader. Intelligent and sensitive leader will lead the team to victory. Let the family leadership variable. In some matters more competent wife, in others - her husband. All people are different. There may be differences, may be different understandings, different views of the same situation. Should try to understand another point of view, to try to stand on his position, look at the world through his eyes. In all cases, we need to act consciously, without reference to his difficult childhood. The trouble is that we can not choose a leader and then to work as a team. No coherence movements. At what age people are more prone to emotional bursts during the repair - at a young age, adult or older? Galina Stepanova: Speaking of the "average person", that with age one becomes wiser through life experience, and therefore better able to control their emotions. Therefore, the tribal chief or elder, often chose the old man. The real man than his biological age is more a psychological age, which may not coincide with the first. Ability to well manage their emotional impulses indicates the age of psychological maturity of man. Why over the years, people find it increasingly difficult spodvigaet on rebuilding their homes? Galina Stepanova: A young man lives often their dreams and hopes for the future adult focused primarily on the present, well and more elderly live with their memories. Therefore, from the age of each detail of the interior may be associated with something memorable and expensive that we want to save. Why do people in the age with great difficulty parting with the old things and experiencing the true injury when it comes to change, for example, the old creaky bed for a new one? It turns out that the inherent feature of stockpiled man of principle. Or she is subject to a specific psycho? Svetlana Streltsov: Feature storage inherent in older people. Because they were born, brought up during the total deficit. And especially those born after the war. The remains of this phenomenon are present in young people, because this brought us all the same Soviet people. But even among them there are those to whom it is inherent to a greater or lesser degree. It shall enter into force psycho. Attempts to expand the types of people made a long time. And typologies created a great deal. There is a special seminar on this subject, and in our heart. In short, almost all based on the typology of ways to protect rights. Way to protect the dictates behavior. Accumulation - is one way to protect the individual and his subject, almost all people. Only some people are accumulating material objects, others with no end to learn and accumulate knowledge, while others accumulate status, making it a career. How to coerce a person to ensure that he parted with the old clothes and home furnishings? Galina Stepanova: If you have chosen a well-defined style of the interior, then the argument for home Plyushkin is that old things do not match the style and that "disrupt" the space. Because by nature they like all organized and orderly, they can accept. You can use this tendency to ask a spouse to help you "find the appropriate style" thing. The main thing - to ask him what he likes to do, not something that does not like. You can try to agree on what percentage of things you're upgrading. Say, stipulate that 50 to 50 or 80 to 20. You can negotiate and work out the general rule that released all the old things that have not been touched for two to three years. The main thing in the reconstruction of the family nest - do not cause his beloved half feeling that it is not considered. Good relationship in the house and violence do not live together. If you want to help their elderly parents, let them dispose of their own belongings. After all, this is not your house. There are people for whom maintenance is becoming a way of life. First, repair the one room, then another. It's all been delayed for six months. Then comes the desire to replace the plumbing, flooring in the hallway, in general, a marathon with no finish line. It is not dangerous for the psyche? After all, so a person devotes his life repairing and becomes his slave. Svetlana Streltsov: The psyche is, of course, is not dangerous. It is dangerous for people living nearby. There are certain people who are poor live in calm conditions, in the routine. Best of all, they operate in an environment of change. Such stress managers. If they can not realize the need for change at work, then hold home. Must redirect the energy into its peaceful course. Search and find use of abundant energy. Find an interest in another case, a hobby. Why are people so constituted that can not forget your mobile, hard to remember the birthday, best friend, and even eye color favorite, but will always keep in mind the mere trifles of all its many repairs? Svetlana Streltsov: I think this is an exaggeration. So is not all and not always. In contrast to stress management, most people regard as a natural disaster repairs. This happens every day. Flowing at a high emotional background, repair remembered. And sometimes a person's life so he is bored and not interested in what repairs it seems terribly important event in my life. Because it is at least some event.
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